Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
