You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
