I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
