She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
