the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU