Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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