I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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