There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
