Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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