I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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