is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Found the puke drawer
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
