I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
last night I used snow as a chaser
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
