I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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