If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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