I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
