did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
