why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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