Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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