So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
