ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
