I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Drake has all the answers
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
