She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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