He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?