Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
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I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore