When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.