if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.