i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.