my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
