Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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