I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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