Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
