He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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