Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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