Your dad touched me again.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
