I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I AM VODKA MAN
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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