I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
