Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
