mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
