so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
