oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
