"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
