Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
