Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
