two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
