morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
