omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
