I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
