So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
