just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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