Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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