i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
