you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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