sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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