i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
