Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
