girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
