i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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