PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
