And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
