If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
