I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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