Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
