New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
