that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
