were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
