I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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