when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
