i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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