3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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