Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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