hotel room ftw
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
