I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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