Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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