Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
