i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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