I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
