the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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