I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
