Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So many bounce houses so little time
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
