dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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